Success beings with a single idea that must be followed till it’s last consequences. It’s not an easy journey, not for most people, not for me. It took me a long time to finally decide what I want to be, and there’s a difference between what you want to do and who you want to be. When you choose a career, you also define yourself. The main problem we face, is that we usually expect to do great things or to be recognized within a short time, and that’s not realistic. Many people start something and then quit because they think they’re not good if results don’t come as expected, and in our obsession of putting a name to everything, there is a word for the fear of not being good enough, atelophobia.

I am my own archenemy. Every morning, when I wake up and that fear makes me want to sleep some more, I have to tell myself that I’m good at what I do, that I am learning and it’s a matter of time. I tell myself: “it’s not frightening, it’s exciting “. The thing is, I’ve never been patient, I was never one of those kids who start a video game and play until they finish it, I used to quit when it came to a point when I wasn’t able to move to the next level, and I grew up thinking the same way, I wanted to be a pro at something, right from the start. Now I don’t know if this constant mental battle will end once I become a professional photographer, once my husband and I have the lives we wish for, I just don’t. If this was a movie, you’d probably be seeing the worse part, when the main character is struggling to fulfill his or her dream and won’t give up, not for anything, not for anybody; so you see this character and you hope the story will have a happy ending. Maybe my bad mornings will continue even when this fear goes away, after all, hormones are not a girl’s best friend, nor anybody’s for that matter.

Happy weekend!

Neda Ruscic

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3 thoughts on “The everyday struggle

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