I succeded

I was convinced that I would be successful once I could have a career in photography or in writing. Things weren’t working out as planned, so I created this blog to write about the frustrations and depressions that came every time something failed. You see, I am a depressive person and I’ve struggling with that most of my life. That’s why a couple of years ago I started a healing process, or something like it. Then, something happened that closed that circle.

Last month my grandmother had to go through a pulmonar surgery and I went to my hometown to visit her. It was the first trip I’ve made without my husband in years, and although I was with my family the whole time, I was very aware that I was also alone (emotionally alone if you know what I mean). The house was full of grumpy women (including me) and to endure the hurtful comments, I had to learn to first love myself and then love them, no matter what they said. By doing that, I started to get at peace and everything went smoothly. That feeling followed me home. Now I realize that I’m successful because I finally learned to be happy. I don’t mean the joyful kind of happy, I mean the kind of happiness in which you find inner peace, you become loving, brave and mature.

I am successful because I am happy. I am happy because I love, I love my family and friends but first I love myself. I am happy because I love what I do, I love taking pictures and writing, I love telling stories that make you dream of something different. I am happy because I don’t care what people think of me. I am happy because I learned to control my ego. I am happy because I am not afraid of anything, I know I’ll die someday for sure. I’m happy because I am me and I’m alive.

Although there is no absolute cure for depressive disorders and I’ll probably get blue once in a while, I know that I’ll be feeling a lot better from now on. Maybe I should change the name of the blog to: On the exciting way to success.

Also, I don’t have lots of readers (I suck at marketing), so if you are reading my mumbo jumbo, I want to thank you for taking the tame in doing so. Thank you very, very much.

Here’s my favorite picture of the trip and if you’d like to see the whole album, you can check at my Flickr.

Neda Ruscic

A little boy in Coyoacán
A little boy in Coyoacán

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Pardon my French

It is true that you learn from every experience, the good and the bad ones. The past weeks have been stressing but very interesting. For instance, the crowdfunding events we (my husband and I) did last month didn’t turn out the way we expected. Although we promoted the events, very little people showed up. I must say that after you put your heart on something and things go wrong, it’s quite a bummer, but we did learn not get our hopes down and to find other ways of making our short, and also, to never promote crowdfunding events as such. In the end, we decided to do the short in a very low budget and asking local filmmakers for favors, we are doing it with or without money. Continue reading “Pardon my French”

The roller skating anecdote

On my previous post I wrote about how you must get up and continue after you fall, and yesterday I literally had to do that. As a girl, I loved skating with my grandfather’s skates, the old artistic-style ones; then I grew up and stopped doing it. Later, a few years ago, I bought a pair of artistic skates that looked just like my grandpa’s, but didn’t I really used them, until yesterday. I have to say that skating after so many years is not like riding a bike, you do forget how to do it. At first, my legs would not stop shaking, I moved very slowly and my arms were just flapping around as I tried to stabilize my body. After a while, I was gaining confidence and I started skating a little faster, when suddenly I lost control and fell on my butt; since I was in a park, some people saw what happened, nobody laughed, there was just silence. Gladly, the only thing hurt was my vanity, so very gracefully (that’s how I like to imagine it) I got up and continued skating. As I kept gaining confidence, I stopped feeling nervous and started to have fun, next thing I knew I was rushing and passing joggers. The funniest part was when a girl asked to take her picture and I could’t because I didn’t know how to stop.

So here’s what I learned: at your career, people will see you fall, but if you get up and continue your way, the next time they see you, you’ll be just rushing past them; don’t think about what people think of you, just have fun and enjoy yourself. As for my career, tomorrow my husband and I are hosting our first fundraising event. I’m sure I’ll be nervous and maybe it won’t work, but I don’t care, I’ll have fun anyway.

Neda Ruscic